What Really Matters

I'm really starting to wonder how different God made me to be in this world. In a good way though. ☺ You see, I am getting married on May 12, 2012, 63 days from now, and yes, I am very excited, without the stress and pressure though ☺

My fiancé, LA, and I got engaged last year, March 9, 2011. Our journey was not smooth from then on, in fact, more difficult challenges came our way. Challenges that can only either make or break a relationship, or an engagement for that matter. Though there were a lot of times that we already gave up on each other, or at least we thought we did, God never gave up on us and made His way a lot of times and differently to correct us, teach us the kind of love that married people should entail and direct us into understanding the main reason why He has put us together in love in the first place.

Our parents met for the first time in November last year to formalize the engagement and give their blessing for our desire to get married. Come December 30, 2011, 2 days before the new year 2012, LA and I were able to set a date for our wedding while driving from La Union to Manila coming home from a 2-week holiday vacation and surf trip. It was set then on May 12, 2012. ☺ The moment we agreed I sent a text message to Jinky (my bonfire-surf sister friend and a hot mom that's why I call her "Ate Witwiw" who owns our home resort in La Union, Normi2's Beachfront Resort, together with her husband Junie and daughter Sophie) and told her our plans for getting married on the said date and our desire to hold it in their resort. ☺ Right then and there she gave me a really good package that completely turned our plans into actions and made me so enthusiastic about getting married. ☺

You see, God's timing is always the best. He's never early nor late, just perfect. ♥ I knew that God will carefully unfold everything we just need in our lives, and in this matter, everything we just need for the wedding, nothing more and nothing less. ☺

And so, new year has passed, days, weeks, months, and we're just taking everything one step at a time. God has just been so generous and was just literally providing the things we need for our wedding. ☺

Here comes one thing, probably the very first thing that every girl/woman asks of me whenever they hear about the news. My wedding gown. I respect the fact that this is probably something most women would spend more time, effort and money on but to me, this is actually just something I would prioritize the least. So far, I have only shared this with LA and my best friend Hannah, who is also my maid of honor and make-up artist for the wedding, that I actually wouldn't care if I end up wearing a regular beach dress or even a regular "bestida". What really matters and the most important thing to me really is the fact that I am getting married to LA, my best friend, the one I unconditionally love and the purpose God gave for my life, and were both committing our lives for service to God to be partners and build a God-centered family for His glory. We just made sure that the significant things and elements in our lives will be part of our wedding day as we say our vows to each other and to God. The fact that our loved ones, closest friends and families, will also be with us on our wedding day, already marked a perfect smile in my heart that any regular dress would make me look like the most beautiful, happiest and most blessed bride of the year. ♥ Well of course that's not true since God loves to bless all of His children, I wouldn't be just the one. ☺

So, moving closer to our wedding day, we both prioritized CCF's pre-marital counseling sessions where we clearly learned a lot of things and opened our hearts and minds so we can prepare ourselves for a Christian marriage life. We are also taking care of the documents needed to comply with our worldly law. How about all the other things needed for the wedding event itself? Oh yeah, I'm doing it. ☺ There was a time when LA wanted me to get a wedding organizer for all of this. I told him that I truly appreciate his concern that he doesn't want me to get stressed and feel helpless with the things we have to do, but I also asked him if he may allow me to plan and do everything for our wedding and that I hope he won't take that opportunity away from me to personally put things altogether for OUR wedding, with God's help and grace. The truth is I love doing things for him, for US. And if this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and my only chance to serve my partner and God in a wedding, I would take everything in me to do it, without any pressure, complaints and doubts, just love. ♥

People ask us about the wedding details, how ready we are, and tend to feel the pressure more than us. We can only smile and appreciate with so much love everything that God is doing for us. Though we will never be worthy, we can also never thank God enough for bringing us these people in our lives who painstakingly give their time and effort to support us. ☺

I am honestly loving everything that God is unfolding for us. I am so blessed to feel not even a bit of stress or pressure about our wedding planning and preparations but pure enthusiasm with all of my faith. ☺

So tell me, who could still bother to give importance to gowns, shoes, flowers, and other irrelevant things to God's kingdom when everything else more important have already been laid in front of you? ☺

God bless all of you with so much love. ♥

VISIT OUR OFFICIAL WEDDING WEBSITE AT http://www.mywedding.com/laeesai/ ♥

Life's Turning Point of a Running Believer

In every man's life, they say there comes a time when he would feel that he's been going thru the same path over and over again. Pain, failure, disappointment, rejection, betrayal, loss... Sometimes he would feel he's stuck and would realize that maybe, just maybe, just to put the blame to something that might be responsible for everything that has happened in his life, would think that there's something wrong with the world, with other people, with his daily routine or maybe if he's brave enough, would realize there's something wrong with himself. Some people would probably call this a quarter-life crisis or a mid-life crisis, when the truth is, this person just needs saving… the kind of saving that has been given to him a long time ago but has not been accepted yet.

In a Christian life, before a man even start to commit his life to share God’s word and love, he recognizes a “turning point” when he first realized God’s truth in giving up His only Son to pay for our sins and show us unconditional love; turned away from his old life to welcome a new spirit graced by God for believing in Him (Ezekiel 36:26a). This is when every man realizes that God has never left his side and has always been there trying to call his attention to turn to Him. This is when every man starts to feel God’s presence within him, having the same voice that’s calling him during the lowest point of his life… the voice that never gave up on him.

I was a “running believer” since I was seven. You heard it right, seven (7) years old. I am the eldest child among six (6) children but I am the third eldest child of my father. I grew up fast and matured fast the moment I stopped counting on my age and embraced the role of being an “A-TE” (English word: ELDER SISTER) to my siblings. I was seven when my mom first decided to leave my dad, carry us along with her (me, my 28-year old brother now, and my 21-year old brother who was still a few months old baby then), and rented an apartment near our school. One of the most unforgettable scenes in my life was when one day, my mom realized she ran out of powdered milk for my baby brother and he was already crying hard because of hunger. So she decided to leave the three of us and went to the supermarket. We don’t have the luxury to have a nanny or a helper that time so as the eldest child, I needed to look out for my brothers and take care of them. We were just outside the apartment waiting for our mom to come back while I was carrying my youngest brother and my other brother was shaking the last bottle of milk for our youngest, and we were crying simultaneously while performing our roles. I think that was the best part and we could have won an award for that if only our lives were part of a movie. This was the time when I accepted the eldest sister challenge and told to myself that I will strive in life and do whatever it takes to be successful so if some accident comes up and my siblings and I ended up as orphans, I would be able to support all of us so we don’t have to eat noodles every day. Yes, I was a dramatic/creative/paranoid seven-year old child but full of courage.

Things worked out that time and we were living together with my dad and half-brothers and sisters (from the previous spouses). This is the part of my life when I realized that you can be a brother or a sister to anybody even if you’re just 50% blood related or not. My half-brothers and sisters showed us unselfish love and who am I to feel or show otherwise? I was blessed to have elder brothers and sisters given that I am my mother’s eldest child. In that case alone, I am grateful. This is why I called myself a “running believer.” I believed that there are better reasons for everything and that there are more important things than having to be selfish and rant or complain about our complicated family life situation. I knew that there is God and that He gave up Jesus for us because of my Christian (born again) half-sisters. I always ask them and they tell me stories about Him. For that, again, I am blessed and grateful. So I was running from one religion to another to understand better and somehow learn how to “save” or make things better for us. I grew up as a responsible daughter while I enabled myself to enjoy and go thru life as how others are living it especially when I reached college life.

I was a “running believer” when my life was turned around and God saved my life. I knew that God has His foundation in me when I was seven but I was trying to run away from complications and could not completely turn my eyes on Him as I was making myself busy trying to be competitive and successful in anything I do and trying to enjoy life at the same time. I knew God was behind me all the time because for every moment I cried in my room, He was there. I have been trying to talk to Him, crying my heart out to Him and asking Him questions I couldn’t answer that time. I couldn’t answer and comprehend because I wasn’t listening to Him and instead was busy trying to find answers in this wicked world.

Even in the most common aspect of life, I have been an explorer in love and have been trying to find “the heart” that God has planted in me in my previous relationships. He has allowed me to have four (4) serious relationships (excluding my fiancé’s) and a few flings when I was still playing around to open my eyes and understand some things I can never learn at home or in church. The best and most important thing of all is that He taught me unconditional love and what “unselfish” really means when He asked me to love my best friend and accept anything and everything that will come our way. This is the time when I asked myself, did God just asked me to forget about the “reputation” I built as I was trying to be successful in college? For what? LOVE? The answer was YES. God has put me in a situation where I think no one would ever wish for. The only thing that kept my courage, aside from love, is the faith that He has a plan. I was already going thru some traps and Joker character could have been the best imitation of Satan’s character if it wasn’t for the creation of repentance and the existence of God’s truths to know that Batman will always be there to save the day even if fear and darkness have consumed the place.

God brought different people in my life to teach me and open my eyes to the things unseen. I can say I have been in the best and worst places and scenarios you can think of, I can also say I have been with the best and worst people in the world, the best and worst things, though relative, brought me to Jesus. I have found my way and stopped running because He found and loved me first. When he did, he never stopped following me and never gave up on me. You can already guess why I am here now at this point, trying to share my story thru His grace and hopefully can inspire others.

As I bring you my last words, let me share with you the lyrics of the song “Everything” by Lifehouse and the skit that was also shared to me and always gives me goose bumps. I’ve shown this same skit to my best friend turned fiancé before and our lives were never the same. This will remind us that no matter what happens, God will never give up on us and for that we must never give up on each other no matter how things get complicated and painful.

EVERYTHING by Lifehouse

Find me here, speak to me
I want to feel You, I need to hear You
You are the light that's leading me
To the place where I find peace again

You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the light to my soul
You are my purpose, You're everything

How can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me, how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and You give me rest
You hold me in Your hands, You won't let me fall
You steal my heart, and You take my breath away
Would You take me in, take me deeper now

How can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me, how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me, how could it be any better than this?

'Cause You're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything, everything

You're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything, everything

And how can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me, how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me, how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me, how could it be any better than this?
Would You tell me, how could it be any better than this?

As me and my fiancé continue our walk with God towards a life committed to serve and glorify Him, I found my life bible verse, which I can bring with me every day as I continue to become God’s warrior:

Ephesians 6:10-17

New International Version (NIV)

The Armor of God

“¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”

How about you? When was your turning point? J

http://instagr.am/p/V-SRJ/

Love As a Weapon

LOVE: The greatest weapon made for a life warrior

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is to love and be loved in return.” ~ An unforgettable line from one of my personal favorite movies, Moulin Rouge.

I remember in grade school when I used to answer questions on slambook, I spent most of my time thinking and answering the question, “What is Love?” I always felt like I could never answer it as fast as I can respond to “who is your crush,” “what is your motto,” and even “your most embarrassing moment.” As young as 7 years old, I thought that there is something better than “love is sweet,” “love is kind,” and even “love is my crush,” so I settled with “love is sacrifice,” knowing somehow that love is still more than that.

As people experience life, each person may have a different understanding of love. Each man and woman may have a different definition of what it is depending on what they give importance to, what they perceive as acceptable, and even on what they have learned and believed as something they can adapt to. Some people even consider different approaches in love like being practical or realistic as they go thru life or idealistic with a hope that they will find what they have been looking for while keeping their own values intact.

Though each of us may have a different interpretation, the Christian Bible, which I consider a life’s standard, also has its own. It says a lot of things about what love is and what love isn’t.  It refers to love as BOLD LOVE. Loving boldly goes beyond just getting along. It involves commitment to engage for the purpose of seeing others as well as yourself being changed in the process of love. Bold love means to learn to love with God’s character or reflecting God’s character in the way we love.

The sour truth is that we are constantly at war in this life. It is a kind of war or battle that cannot be fought without a heart that is willing to engage in love. We are constantly at war with evil, the kind of evil that God hates and the kind that puts the presence of “sin” in this world. However, the most beautiful truth is, God loves us too much so He gave up His only Son to save and spare us from our sins. His unlimited goodness and unconditional love gave us the next most awesome thing in this world (next to LOVE), forgiveness. No matter how many times we fail, make mistakes, hurt Him, forget Him, put the blame on Him, God chooses to forgive and love us unconditionally. The act of giving up His only son simply showed us His gift of love that can overcome any form of sin and evil.

Sin exists. Evil exists. People will be at constant battle with evil and temptation. There is no question that there are people who harmed us, hurt us and have sinned against us. But the radical truth is… every failure or hurtful situation is an opportunity to show BOLD LOVE.

Every battle gives us the privilege to LOVE. It is the only reason why God made his sacrificial decision… and it is the greatest weapon God made available for FREE so we can fight our own battles in life.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13

 ¹ If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

 ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 ⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

 ¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 

The Way I See You

(This is something I wrote sometime in 2009 when God was trying to write my love story)

You called me up last night
Drunk, crying and not light
Told me things that hurt you bad
While other people can be so glad

In a state of melancholy
No one knows you are unhappy
They say you’re selfish and unworthy
When you’re truly giving selflessly

You only cared for other’s sake
Your own happiness is at stake
This act of suffering is not fake
I accept but the pain I couldn’t take

Don’t you know how I see you?
Can’t you see how I look at you?
Try and look deep into my eyes
In my heart it’s you who resides

I’m hurting that you’re hurting
I’m crying because you’re crying
Oh I pray that your heart is open
To grasp and follow what has been written

Now listen as you cry for longing
I see you flying while I’m not moving
I’m not moving because I’m watching
Can you see the colors that you’re casting?

If you can only see
How God made you to be
Don’t be surprised coz it’s real
You're beautiful in every way I see