Life's Turning Point of a Running Believer

In every man's life, they say there comes a time when he would feel that he's been going thru the same path over and over again. Pain, failure, disappointment, rejection, betrayal, loss... Sometimes he would feel he's stuck and would realize that maybe, just maybe, just to put the blame to something that might be responsible for everything that has happened in his life, would think that there's something wrong with the world, with other people, with his daily routine or maybe if he's brave enough, would realize there's something wrong with himself. Some people would probably call this a quarter-life crisis or a mid-life crisis, when the truth is, this person just needs saving… the kind of saving that has been given to him a long time ago but has not been accepted yet.

In a Christian life, before a man even start to commit his life to share God’s word and love, he recognizes a “turning point” when he first realized God’s truth in giving up His only Son to pay for our sins and show us unconditional love; turned away from his old life to welcome a new spirit graced by God for believing in Him (Ezekiel 36:26a). This is when every man realizes that God has never left his side and has always been there trying to call his attention to turn to Him. This is when every man starts to feel God’s presence within him, having the same voice that’s calling him during the lowest point of his life… the voice that never gave up on him.

I was a “running believer” since I was seven. You heard it right, seven (7) years old. I am the eldest child among six (6) children but I am the third eldest child of my father. I grew up fast and matured fast the moment I stopped counting on my age and embraced the role of being an “A-TE” (English word: ELDER SISTER) to my siblings. I was seven when my mom first decided to leave my dad, carry us along with her (me, my 28-year old brother now, and my 21-year old brother who was still a few months old baby then), and rented an apartment near our school. One of the most unforgettable scenes in my life was when one day, my mom realized she ran out of powdered milk for my baby brother and he was already crying hard because of hunger. So she decided to leave the three of us and went to the supermarket. We don’t have the luxury to have a nanny or a helper that time so as the eldest child, I needed to look out for my brothers and take care of them. We were just outside the apartment waiting for our mom to come back while I was carrying my youngest brother and my other brother was shaking the last bottle of milk for our youngest, and we were crying simultaneously while performing our roles. I think that was the best part and we could have won an award for that if only our lives were part of a movie. This was the time when I accepted the eldest sister challenge and told to myself that I will strive in life and do whatever it takes to be successful so if some accident comes up and my siblings and I ended up as orphans, I would be able to support all of us so we don’t have to eat noodles every day. Yes, I was a dramatic/creative/paranoid seven-year old child but full of courage.

Things worked out that time and we were living together with my dad and half-brothers and sisters (from the previous spouses). This is the part of my life when I realized that you can be a brother or a sister to anybody even if you’re just 50% blood related or not. My half-brothers and sisters showed us unselfish love and who am I to feel or show otherwise? I was blessed to have elder brothers and sisters given that I am my mother’s eldest child. In that case alone, I am grateful. This is why I called myself a “running believer.” I believed that there are better reasons for everything and that there are more important things than having to be selfish and rant or complain about our complicated family life situation. I knew that there is God and that He gave up Jesus for us because of my Christian (born again) half-sisters. I always ask them and they tell me stories about Him. For that, again, I am blessed and grateful. So I was running from one religion to another to understand better and somehow learn how to “save” or make things better for us. I grew up as a responsible daughter while I enabled myself to enjoy and go thru life as how others are living it especially when I reached college life.

I was a “running believer” when my life was turned around and God saved my life. I knew that God has His foundation in me when I was seven but I was trying to run away from complications and could not completely turn my eyes on Him as I was making myself busy trying to be competitive and successful in anything I do and trying to enjoy life at the same time. I knew God was behind me all the time because for every moment I cried in my room, He was there. I have been trying to talk to Him, crying my heart out to Him and asking Him questions I couldn’t answer that time. I couldn’t answer and comprehend because I wasn’t listening to Him and instead was busy trying to find answers in this wicked world.

Even in the most common aspect of life, I have been an explorer in love and have been trying to find “the heart” that God has planted in me in my previous relationships. He has allowed me to have four (4) serious relationships (excluding my fiancé’s) and a few flings when I was still playing around to open my eyes and understand some things I can never learn at home or in church. The best and most important thing of all is that He taught me unconditional love and what “unselfish” really means when He asked me to love my best friend and accept anything and everything that will come our way. This is the time when I asked myself, did God just asked me to forget about the “reputation” I built as I was trying to be successful in college? For what? LOVE? The answer was YES. God has put me in a situation where I think no one would ever wish for. The only thing that kept my courage, aside from love, is the faith that He has a plan. I was already going thru some traps and Joker character could have been the best imitation of Satan’s character if it wasn’t for the creation of repentance and the existence of God’s truths to know that Batman will always be there to save the day even if fear and darkness have consumed the place.

God brought different people in my life to teach me and open my eyes to the things unseen. I can say I have been in the best and worst places and scenarios you can think of, I can also say I have been with the best and worst people in the world, the best and worst things, though relative, brought me to Jesus. I have found my way and stopped running because He found and loved me first. When he did, he never stopped following me and never gave up on me. You can already guess why I am here now at this point, trying to share my story thru His grace and hopefully can inspire others.

As I bring you my last words, let me share with you the lyrics of the song “Everything” by Lifehouse and the skit that was also shared to me and always gives me goose bumps. I’ve shown this same skit to my best friend turned fiancé before and our lives were never the same. This will remind us that no matter what happens, God will never give up on us and for that we must never give up on each other no matter how things get complicated and painful.

EVERYTHING by Lifehouse

Find me here, speak to me
I want to feel You, I need to hear You
You are the light that's leading me
To the place where I find peace again

You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the light to my soul
You are my purpose, You're everything

How can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me, how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and You give me rest
You hold me in Your hands, You won't let me fall
You steal my heart, and You take my breath away
Would You take me in, take me deeper now

How can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me, how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me, how could it be any better than this?

'Cause You're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything, everything

You're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything, everything

And how can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me, how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me, how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me, how could it be any better than this?
Would You tell me, how could it be any better than this?

As me and my fiancé continue our walk with God towards a life committed to serve and glorify Him, I found my life bible verse, which I can bring with me every day as I continue to become God’s warrior:

Ephesians 6:10-17

New International Version (NIV)

The Armor of God

“¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”

How about you? When was your turning point? J

http://instagr.am/p/V-SRJ/